3 Months None The Richer

Well, it appears that this is going to be a tri-monthly endeavor, so here’s another 3 month update:

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Lexie is pregnant!!! I’m a PAPPA!!! Life is crazy!!! She’s been great (with child) for about 15 weeks now, give or take a few days. As you other parents know, it hasn’t been pretty. Furthermore, It’s weird thinking of Lexie’s morning sickness as a good thing. This wasn’t our original attitude. Going through a week where we thought we might have lost the baby changed out hearts a great deal. It was truly a time of dedicating the baby and EVERYTHING we have to God. Humbled and broken, we are embracing our role as mere stewards of Gods creation, accepting that he will do with what is his as he deems best.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Embracing this is a daily exercise, but it is the mindset we hope to have in everything hence forth, so we strive on in the struggle. We encourage all to do accordingly. It’s amazing how easy the yoke is and how light the burden is when you rest in Christ’s efforts instead of your own to bear them. That’s not to say that they are removed, for we know that the Way is difficult and narrow, it’s just that we follow a trust-worthy Guide who leads us straight to the Father.

<><><><><><><><><><>><><><><><><><>

So, Lexie’s put aside her crafts to take up the ancient discipline of napping. I must say, she’s already become nigh invincible in the art form. While she slumbers (oh so dangerously), I study. Study, study, study. I’ve often lamented that one doesn’t become more “studly” the more one studies. I’m consoled, however, for Lexie attests that me becoming more “studly” would be like water becoming more wet (I know “more wet” isn’t grammatically correct, but I like the way it fits in this sentence =D ). Now that the semester is winding down, I’m excited to see what all my old friends look like. It’s been so long since I’ve ventured out, Obama could have accomplished his entire socialist agenda for all I know (just kidding, I do glance at the news paper during bathroom breaks, lol).

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The ending of the semester also means that my schedule will open up, and that should make getting a job a little easier. Unfortunately, Lexie’s amazing posters and business cards haven’t brought in any new students yet; however, I have gotten a new student because of them. Let me explain: while putting up the posters I saw a want ad for a guitar teacher. I called and got a new student. Sooooo, that’s a plus. Otherwise, work is nil. That’s to be expected though, because due to finishing up my papers, I haven’t been applying as much as before. I did my Church History paper on Philip Jakob Spener and my Theology paper on the house church movement. I think I mentioned before that that topic was rejected due to lacking theological significance. Well, I solved that by arguing that the house church model is the most biblical model. What’s kinda sad is that it was REALLY easy to argue. At the end of my paper, I was very upset with the current popular ecclesiology of … 99% of Protestant churches. If you want to know more, I’d love to share, but it might do you more harm than good.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I will end with a request: please pray that God provides me with a job that will take care of all of our needs AND supply us with enough overage to pay off my student loan ($19,000) by October 2011 (when we hope to go overseas). Also, please pray that we are content in whatever apartment the Lord puts us in when we move out of Bostwick Hall. Please partner with us in going to God for these things so that your joy will be multiplied with our joy when God does provide, because God does provide!!!

We're Still Here

Lexie and I are still here. My amazing wife is diligently revolutionizing the craft industry with her many talents. I'm writing songs again. Lexie made up some amazing flyers and business cards so that I can promote teaching guitar lessons more effectively. Check 'em:

Above is the poster she made me. So awesome.

Here is the front of the business cards she made for me. So very Awesome.

And this is the back. So very very awesome.

Yep. My wife is incredible. I've got the posters up all over campus. I've got a supply of cards in my wallet to whip out at any mention of music. If the wind holds true and the zombie rebellion holds off, I should be getting a few more guitar students soon.

Otherwise, the job hunt continues. Last week I renewed my application at the Wall-Mart Distribution Center (for the 3rd time). I've continually checked with the security services in the area without success. It looks like I'll be putting in applications with Hardees and McDonalds again. I know there's something out there. I can smell it.

School is great. Spring break is this Mon-Fri. That means nothing really. I've still got the necessary 465 pages of reading a week...except it will be more like 600-700 pages with the research papers due for Theology and Church History soon.

I love research papers. They're usually the highlight of the semester for me. However, this semester's Theology topics have got me stumped: Ecclesiology and Eschatology. Yeah, I know. After much contemplation I decided on doing a paper that dealt with the growing “house church” movement in America, thinking that fit in the ecclesiology category. Wrong. It was rejected. I’d still like to do something on the “house church” movement, I find it fascinating, but I need to get more into the Theology behind it.

Fun fact. You can figure out your reading speed by taking anything written (preferably something not too easy to read, nor too difficult to read) and arranging it (in a Word Document or something) so that you have 10 words per line for about 40 lines. Then, get a stopwatch and time yourself reading for a minute. After your minute, count how many lines you read and multiply by 10. After this, if you want, you can add the words on the line your on up to the last word you’ve read. I read 228 words per minute and Lexie reads 356 words per minute (yeah, my wife is so rad!). How fast can you read? What’s really crazy is doing it again, but reading the words aloud. I was only 10 words faster when reading in my head. Thus, I basically read every word silently like I’m reading it out loud. I’m sure that’s slowing me down. Any tips on how to unlearn how to read so I can learn to read quickly?

Thanks friends! I'll be sure to update more regularly from now on!

Everyone should definitely check out Lexie's new blog here.

Enjoy!

!!~~Be Free~~!!

~

DO

~

NOT

~

WORRY

~

Do not worry.

~

------- Ж Living [Physically] Ж

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Matthew 6:25

~

------- Ж Living [Spiritually] Ж

“And when they bring you to trial and deliver you over, do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit.” (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Mark 13:11

~

------- Ж Living [{4} God’s glory {n} everything] Ж

“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Paul (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Philippians 4:6

~

------- Ж [?] Ж

Do not worry? How does a Christian avoid worry when faced with the fact that the majority of the people passed on a daily basis are on a highway to hell; that he or she may lose their job tomorrow or fail to find a job before they lose their house or apartment; that he or she might die tonight from starvation or tomorrow afternoon from execution (for not being a Christian but for no more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time)?

~

…Answerà Trust.

~

DO

~

NOT

~

WORRY

~

Trust God.

~

------- Ж Trusting God Ж

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.” King Solomon (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Proverbs 3:5-7

~

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation." Isaiah (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Isaiah 12:2

~

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” Isaiah (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])— Isaiah 26:3-4

~

“Thus says the LORD: ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD…Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.’” Jeremiah (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])— Jeremiah 17:5; 7-8

~

------- Ж Faith That Lives [is] Faith That Trusts [is] Faith That Works Ж

Trust God. Trust Jesus.

~

Trust Jesus for what?

~

His promises.

~

What promises?

~

His promise to send the Holy Spirit.

~

Why?

~

It is the Holy Spirit that saves us by grace through the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control that He works in us to reveal Christ’s blood over us for God’s good pleasure. The Holy Spirit is the confession of our hope promised to us by Jesus Christ.

~

------- Ж Thus, Faith Holds Fast… Ж

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” author?(Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—Hebrews 10:23

~

Jesus is trustworthy. Do not worry. Trust.

~

“For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” Paul (Jesus [God {Holy Spirit}])—II Corinthians 4:17-18

~

May we fail in every way to worry in light of the overwhelming trust we accept through prayer from the Holy Spirit’s presence in our hearts. Amen.

~

I Believe?

…

Believe. Obey.

-

Both of these words are verbs. Both are also commands; biblical commands.

-

I confess I do not obey what I believe.

-

I believe that eating over 1000 calories worth of sweets a day is unhealthy. I eat roughly 1000 calories worth of sweets a day because I can burn it off.

-

I believe that keeping the apartment clean is my responsibility since I’m usually there studying. The apartment is presently a mess due to my presence there studying.

-

I believe that as a citizen of the USA I should be up to date with the news and the state of our republic. I haven’t read a newspaper, watched the news, or looked up current events online in months because I don’t get a paper, have television or the internet in my apartment.

-

I believe that procrastinating is wrong. I am presently procrastinating since I don’t always have the internet.

-

I believe that lying is wrong. I lied yesterday to exaggerate, but it might have been true.

-

I believe in prayer. I often doubt my prayers do anything when it comes to BIG things…like debt.

-

I believe in God. I act like I don’t.

-

Based on my actions: eating 1000 calories of sweets is great as long as I don’t get fat, being a slob is acceptable as long as I’m legitimately preoccupied, being uninformed with current events is okay since it’s not readily available, procrastinating is not wrong, dishonesty is fine in some situations, and prayer is powerful for intangible things (like confession, repentance, receiving forgiveness, intercession, and direction), but not for stuff like money. Money is evil...right?

-

I’ve got a problem. It’s not with my head. I believe the right things. It’s with my hands. I don’t do the right things.

-

I don’t obey my beliefs.

-

“Whoever BELIEVES in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not OBEY the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.” John 3:36

-

Belief is not enough. I must obey, for by my obedience I will reveal my beliefs.

-

“So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, ‘You have faith and I have works.’ Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith BY my works. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe--and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up his son Isaac on the altar? You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed BY his works; and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, ‘Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness’--and he was called a friend of God. You see that a person is JUSTIFIED by works and not by faith alone.” James 2:17-24

~

(This is not saying [and I am not saying] that Christians are not saved by faith alone, but that we can't be justified by faith alone. Yes, there is a difference. Go figure it out.)

~

Believe. Obey. These are one in practice. They are a gift from God and must be continually given.

-

“…Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Philippians 2:12c-13.

-

Obey. Believe.

-

It’s time for me to consume less sugar, wash the dishes, catch up on the news, tell the truth, pray with sincere belief in God, and avoid procrastinating in the process.

-

May we act in accordance with our confession and confess in accordance with our actions and may both be in accordance with God’s Word. Amen.

-

On Love and Diamonds

Contrary to my last blog, I am going to stay in seminary. God can't be contained as an assignment no matter how many papers I have to write about His various attributes. He's too glorious. Satan can only tempt me to focus on myself and that is what I did and that is why I sinned. My love for God became my love for me.

Please pray for me: that I will love God. There is no greater more transforming prayer that you could pray for me than this.

-

This week has been nothing short of cathartic and healing; a spiritual purging, if you will. Being transparent is an interesting concept. What is transparent? Air, water, some liquids, glass, and certain rocks. Yes, rocks! It is the last object that grabs my attention: transparent rocks, namely diamonds.

Now, I'm no expert on diamonds, but I feel it's safe to say that light can actually pass through a diamond. I find this fact interesting because diamonds are the hardest bulk material on earth. Only a diamond can scratch a diamond.

Why is it that light is able to penetrate through the densest material on earth but cannot pass through wood?

The answer:

order.

Due to a diamonds complex internal molecular lattice work, light can enter and pass through it. A wood is much less orderly, and thus wood is opaque.

Why do I bring this up?

Because of the necessity for my love to be in order so that the light of Christ can brilliantly shine through me.

As crazy as it may sound, love is the cause of 99.99% of our actions. The love of something.

When I cheated, behind it was my love for getting an "A" and my love against getting a lower grade.

When I confessed, behind it was my love for God's forgiveness and my love against being under His condemnation.

Love moves us and gives us our being. In spiritual matters, when we love, we love for something and simultaneously we love against something.

This is because the God of the Bible is an all or nothing God. You can't love God and love what is contrary to God. In the same way, you can't love breathing air and love what is contrary to breathing air, regardless of the health implications.

Nevertheless, we do.

I do.

Such is disordered love.

Such is an opaque diamond. A beautiful thing made ugly and worthless due to internal flaws that it acquired while under incredible heat and pressure.

As Christians, this life is our time of refining.

Temptations and trials are like the incredible heat and pressure that makes a diamond beautiful and priceless. Temptations and trials are gifts from God to transform us from junk lumps of coal into solid and strong objects through which His glorious light shines.

He will save us from the imperfections that will ruin us if we move how, where and when He tells us to.

I had to be moved. I have a flaw in me now forged in the fire. The blood of Christ saves me from eternal separation from God, but it doesn't save me from His loving discipline, both now and on that final day.

His discipline is loving because of His furious love against disobedience.

God is love because of His zealous favor for Himself and against anything less glorious, which is everything not Him.

May my disordered love be reordered toward the most ordered love there is: God's.

Falling, Fighting, and Freedom

Living, acting and thinking as the Bible instructs one to live, act, and think is hard.

-

I make this statement in the wake of a life changing decision I have made with my wife. The decision is the result of the saving work of Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit within me. The decision is to confess my sins to those I have sinned against and bear the consequences.

-

Getting married is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Unfortunately, it is shortly after my marriage when all of this begins. Now, to be clear, this has nothing to do with my wife. Being married to Lexie Linville is a surreal experience. Everything in my world still turns bright and wonderful when she is around. I love her dearly.

-

During the Christmas months after our marriage in October, I was at our parent’s house in Charleston, SC when I received my grades for that previous semester. They were not good, a “D,” and a “C.”

-

Now, if you look over my transcript, you wouldn’t really notice this particular semester because it actually follows the norm. I usually make D’s and C’s. This trend was confusing to my parents, and rightly so because they had always done well in school, and so had Lexie. My wife was the summa cum laude of her graduating class in college (she made only one undeserved “B”).

-

Now, amazingly, they didn’t look down on me for my grades, but I knew they all wanted me to do better and I feared I wouldn’t be able to. Every semester I try to do better and every semester I end up struggling to do the same. So, In addition to feeling stupid, I also felt desperate. I realized that I had a choice to make: either drop out of school (because it was not benefiting me), or do better. Again, I resolved to do better. Deep in my heart, I also resolved to do whatever it took to do better.

-

My Spring semester I made all “B’s,” a first for me in my entire academic career. I took two summer classes and made “A’s” in both, a hallmark achievement for me. This semester, if my grades came in today, I’d have only one “B” and two “A’s,” almost a complete turn around by all appearances.

-

…By all appearances…

-

The problem is that I’ve been cheating in these classes. Not all of them, but at least one each semester. I have been trying harder than ever before to do well, but I’ve ruined all that effort by cheating for a letter grade.

-

I had good grades but my life was miserable. Since the first time I cheated (in March), I haven’t had any sort of deep spiritual communion with the Lord. I’ve tried, but to no avail. My prayers drop like lead. Studying the Bible is like swimming in concrete. I felt bored during small group and tired during church. I never even tried to share the Gospel.

-

I’ve sent in my resume and more job applications than I can count. I’ve been turned down after more job interviews than I want to count. I’m continually frustrated, wary, confused, angry, restless, and depressed. In short: I have been living in unconfessed sin and God will allow it no longer. This is a sad thing to realize so late, but I Praise the Lord my eyes have been opened at all. It is more than I deserve.

-

When Lexie came home yesterday, I was overflowing with grief and she could tell. I didn’t even consciously realize what the grief was from, but when she asked me if I was okay, I began confessing everything. As I confessed I suddenly felt a weight drop away from me, like John Bunyan describes in Pilgrim’s Progress. The wounds from my stay in sin stung with new pain as I realized what must now be done. I must confess this to my professors.

-

What will they think of me? What will they do? Will I be kicked out of school? Do I deserve to stay in school? Should I stay in school if they let me?

-

I was seeing how I had made good grades and staying in school my god, and saw in agonizing clarity how I had served it before Jesus Christ, my wife, and my responsibilities to the church body. I should have let it go back in December. Of course, the cheating started out small, but it grew. It wasn’t until this semester’s mid-term exams that I saw how bad I had become. I had become so resigned to cheating that I didn’t even study for my mid-terms. I passed them by cheating. If you’re wondering how this is possible, most of my exams have been either take-home exams or online exams.

-

The days following those mid-term exams have been cold and godless. I felt “Ichabod.” I suppressed the truth within me, crying out to God for a pardon without a confession. All I said was, “please forgive me,” and all the while sensing God’s reply: “For what? Tell me.”

-

This past Saturday (before any of this was realized) I memorized Heb. 10:19-25. On Sunday my church took of the Lord’s Supper. I should have passed it by because of my unconfessed sin, but I picked up the elements. Holding them in my hands the fear of God fell on me and terrified me. Before I ate and drank, I confessed to the Lord my dishonesty in school.

-

The fear didn’t fade. On the way home, Lexie read to me Heb. 10:26-27 since it was the next passage I was supposed to memorize. These verses read: “For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.” This further terrified me, but I couldn’t get myself to confess to Lexie. The thought never even entered my mind; only a terror of the Lord.

-

On Monday I felt severely depressed. I assumed, as I usually did, that it was because I hadn’t got a job yet. I tried throughout the day to get my work done, but I couldn’t focus on it for more than a few minutes. Grief was exploding inside me but I couldn’t identify it. When Lexie came home from work, God opened my eyes to see what the grief was, and I simply confessed out of the overflow of my heart all the dishonesty I had practiced in school.

-

It was a gift from God, because if I had thought about it, I would have been too embarrassed to tell her and too afraid of what must come next. If I had known precisely how embarrassed I would have been and how afraid I am now, there’s no way I would have ever said a word. I praise God that He caused me to speak; that in being a slave to righteousness, I could no longer be a slave to sin.

-

The confessions have gone well today. I have confessed to three professors so far. There are two left. They each rebuked me in love and then forgave me, rejoicing in God’s convicting Holy Spirit. Some feel that I should continue through this semester, some think it would be wise to drop out and pursue God apart from school. For me, God has been tied into papers, tests, exams, and quizzes for so long that I feel the need to break away or I will continue to see God as an assignment to pass or fail. I have confessed all this to my church body and they agree that breaking away for a season would be best.

-

It feels so good expose sin, to confess sin. I finally feel free. I can finally pray and read the Bible with deep joy in the Lord. Lexie and I are excited to see what God’s going to do next. We will keep you updated.

What's the Word?

Quick update...

Levi is still looking for a job. Classes are getting more intense. Life is wonderful!

Lexie is loving her job! She is very excited about her new sewing hobby. It's interesting to see her juggle all her talents (painting, playing guitar, crocheting, inventing recipes, and now sewing, whew!).

The holidays are exciting. It's so wonderful to spend these festive times with your best friend. We have recently been reminded and challenged by Daniel and Jenny Jones to be intentional about sharing the Gospel. We are trying, but it's hard to pop the seminary bubble. Perhaps this amazing season where giving thanks and rejoicing in Christ's birth will give us the opportunities we've been missing.

There's also the issue of traveling. Do we stay? Do we go? The first year's decision was easy for us: go! go! go! This year we were wanting to make the holidays our own. However, the offer to go visit family when the family offers an all expense paid trip is tempting. I think what will tip the scales is getting to see our grandparents in Arkansas. That will be quite a gift indeed, no tempting required.